Ireland, Crew, and Tangents

Before proceeding, you should know that beer and alcohol have transmitted their influence through my nervous system and to my fingers, making the language slightly inappropriate for humans that resemble elves. If you are a child or an elf, please stop reading and get back to work making shoes for Nike. Christmas is fucking coming.



I leave for Ireland in one month, 21 hours.

Holy. Shit.

I am finally leaving this small town. I am finally getting away from people I rarely connect with. Seriously, I don't give a shit about a car's engine.

Seriously, I'm sick of constant reminders of the past that I can't get away with.

I should have taken the advice of my buddy Red (or Red Muff) when we were juniors in high school (By buddy I mean the most trusted and respected guy I know. Not to mention he is the example of how high school grades lie about knowledge. The dude is fucking smart as hell. Ok, now I will jump off his dick.)

One night (a crazy night, full of drama, water works, and Bone Thugs) the Crew was getting heavy in some personal topics that sometimes got brought up. Now that I think about it, this was a night that we all said we wouldn't forget (hey you four...did you forget it?). But my bullshit problems got brought up and Red (Muff) said something that I won't forget. "Dude, I could see you moving away. Like, I think it would be the best for you. You have too many memories here that are too hard for you."

Son of a bitch he was right.

Yea, things got better for a while, but all in all I will ALWAYS feel held back living in this small town. I can never evolve. I'll never need to adapt.

...To back it up for my Crew nukkas real quick. Why can't I find anyone to philosophize with like you fuckers? We need to burn a tree or two and chop some halves....

In a month, I will have to adapt. I will have to learn a whole new language: the language of Irish mumblin'. Guinness wrapped in corn beef n cabbage will be my diet. I hope I can walk from the pub to my apartment. Jesus, maybe I'll sleep at the pub so I don't have to walk so far to class the next morning.

By the way, I only have class Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Haha bitches.

I feel like I left the theme of this post.


I'll leave it at this.



"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." -Eleanor Roosevelt

So where the fuck do you stand?

-Skitz

What Dreams May Come

Let's get serious.

An open coming out party.

And no, I'm not gay. Fuck off.

I am about to watch What Dreams May Come for the third time now. The last time I saw this movie was nearly two and a half years ago, and for good reason. It strikes a deep chord with me every time. It has powerfully tragic scenes that people, like me, can connect to. My love for drama and dark humor spawns from the past five years where I have dealt with excessive and traumatic losses in my family. This shit hits home for me. If you haven't seen this movie, the whole family is dead about halfway through. Cheery, right?

But this movie is probably the one that moves me the most. Last time I watched it was for my last paper in high school where I detailed its connection to my life. And I vividly remember having some breakdowns weeks after. Maybe it was gradation, maybe it was dating someone I could talk to again. Either way, the catalyst was this movie.

The sudden loss of family. The feeling of being alone. The tragedy of suicide. The complexity of life. All of this the movie explores; all I have experienced. I figure I have a month left being in the States and I ought to get my emotions out now so I don't do it with Guinness in Ireland.

I guess I will push play now. At 10:45 at night. Paper to finish in the morning. Spanish at 9:00. Good idea.

*Crack*
That was me opening a Bud Light.

And this is me finishing the post after watching it.

I could better understand the movie this time around (in its writing, symbolism, writing, etc). It had some elements that were very positive in order to balance the darker parts. These good natured parts I forgot about since the last time I watched it.

It was good. The experience wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be. Still, Annabella Sciorra does a fantastic job portraying a confused and devastated mother and wife. The love that her husband (Robin Williams) shows for her is translated through happy conversation as well as extreme sadness, especially in the scene when he finds out his wife killed herself. That is the hardest realization for someone. Not that the person is gone, but that the person was suffering so greatly that they would end their own life.

The tragedy and sadness displayed in What Dreams May Come is what makes a movie great for me. They hit on emotions that are deep for many people. Therefore they are done in a good way. In the Bedroom is another movie that uses tragedy as the steering point. Quickly: Kid falls for recently divorced mother, the two date, the ex gets jealous, the kid is about to go off to a special college, breaks off relationship, women's ex gets physical, kid goes to house to protect her...kid gets shot in the head. Cheery, right? Then the movie deals with the devastated parents.

Another example is World's Greatest Dad, a dark comedy featuring Robin Williams as a writer. His jerk son is a pervert and a complete fucking jackass that everyone hates. The kid also likes to choke himself while he masturbates. Well one day the father comes home to find his son dead. He accidentally choked himself to death while whacking it (tragic, but hilarious!). Then the Dad writes a story (from the kid's point of view) making him look like the unlikely everyman/child that is just misunderstood. Classic.

Magnolia, Crash, The Butterfly Effect, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, The Air I Breathe, The Upside of Anger, and American Beauty are all movies that make you think about what happened and what can happen. And what HAS happened in my life allows me to connect deeply with what IS happening with the characters, further bringing to life a dramatic story.

Feels good to get that off my chest.

Life. The thing that keeps you motivated 'til death.

Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If you're still collecting toys out of Happy Meal bags or you don't remember Keenan and Kel on Sunday nights, then you need to stop reading.

Now.

What a way to start of December. Finally I'm posting this; a kickstart to the great final month of 2010 and for me in the States!


Bordem: An activity that spawns stupid shit like that seen below.

Life: A controversial experience that should be admired instead of unappreciated.

Football: The game that never lets you down. Even when your team is losing, it is still great to see a kid receive a concussive tackle.

Taco Bell: The food that always satisfies hunger. Even when the taco constructer mistakes your order of no sour cream for more sour cream. At least he tried.

Sex: The activity that always pleases. Even if its slow going, you still have a hard on.

Slut: A person who overcompensates for their mental deficiencies.
God: An entity to thank for women who overcompensate for their mental deficiencies.

Indians: What Native Americans are called.
Telemarketers: What Indians are called.

Taco Bell: A Mexican restaurant.

Mexico: Every planet needs a loser.

Sex after marriage: An activity that USED to be mandatory. 

Horse racing: The race that starts with a blind horse and ends with a blind gambler.

Jersey Shore: Food for thought.

Alcohol: Killing one homeless man at a time.

Video games: Something that makes a pussy shrivel.

Small towns: Where the best parties are in a garage.
Bonfires: Entertainment for the wasted.

My hometown: Where parties in a garage end by a bonfire.

Baseball: The other game that never lets you down. Unless you’ve been trapped at Wrigley Field for 102 years.

Diamonds: The gift that lasts forever. (Well, at least for her.) Even when she leaves you, that bitch still got bling.

Slavery: The reason black people dominate sports and have spectacular rhythm.
Racism: The reason Alabama doesn't carry black crayons.

Water Tetris: The newest sport. Next will be fucking NASCAR...

Call of Duty: The reason Mark Kirk claimed to be a war hero.

Middle Eastern Life: Stop and think about it. Now you know why Bin Laden is so pissed off. Not to mention his HD receiver isn't in yet.

AIDS: Say no to butt sex.

McDonalds: Everybody has one; mine just happens to be Hustler.

Golf: A quick way to intoxication and an unapproved visit to anger management.
Golf: The only game where hitting your balls while holding the base of your shaft is fun.

Study abroad: The study of women.

The 2008 Presidential Election: White people making up for slavery.

The 2008 Presidential Election: The black vote.

The 2010 Mid-term Election: White people making up for Obama's election.

The 2010 Mid-term Election: What black vote?

Change: Something the President and a transexuals have in common.

Change: It came, we see it, and we said...never mind.

Muslims: Kill yourself for eternal glory.
                                                               - Love, Jesus

Laws: Originating with a prick in Babylon and presently pleasantly enforced by your local dickhead with a badge.

Prom night: A night that breeds future serial killers.

Drunk Drivers: Perpetuating the evolution of highway laws every Saturday.

Sunglasses: A device men use to look at boobs, unobtrusively.

Porn: The primary reason your man isn't cheating on you. So quit bitching, bitch.

"This is too long to read." Its a fucking post-it note.

Sally: A name insecure and unsure straight "culchie" men call gay men.

Fourth Graders: Shit heads that eat glue.
Eighth Graders: Shit heads that eat chalk.
Twelfth Graders: Dumb shits.

High School: Where book covers are made from posters.

Miller Lite: Beer flavored piss.
Miller Lite: Even beer needs a loser.

Alcoholic women: Ladies that do shots to celebrate their emergence into the third trimester.

Your Mom: A very lovely woman.

Facebook: "Liking" shit is in.

Jeopardy: What came first, the question or the answer?

Penis: Whether you have one or you want on one, we all revolve around dick.

Hormones. The reason for domestic violence.

Kentucky Fried Chicken: Solving domestic violence.

Women: They know how to work a man. They will either manipulate your nuts or mutilate your nuts to get what they want. Although there is no way mutilation can become a positive activity, hopefully manipulation can be turned into some kind of bedroom game.

Divorce: Brought to you by Women's Rights.


"Life sucks, then you die." Thanks for the motivation Pop.

-Skitz


Which one is the most thought provoking for you?


(I am unapologetic for anything in this post. Sorry to my future employer.)

Personal Achievement

I have achieved a great deal in the last month. I will now fill a portion of the infinite space at my disposal with words of little importance on this somewhat imaginary paper.


1. In November I started a blog. I have failed at maintaining it for anyone who started off interested. Your welcome.

2. I missed a few Spanish classes and no longer feel that I am up to learning another language I can't understand. English iz herd enof.

3. I am a third prestige in Call of Duty Black-Ops. God of Free-For-All. I am awesome.

4. I filled my car with gas a few times.

5. I have achieved a level of sobriety I will have to focus on reversing in December.

6. I learned that practical knowledge is useless.

7. Fuck making dollars, Euros, or gold. I have COD points.

8. After achieving lightheadedness from walking up the steps, one learns to accept hard time in the gym.

9. I got a C in Career Planning. I think my future is toast. Like...buttering fecking toast.

10. I fell asleep in Physics class.

11. I watched the beginning of Avatar no less than 15 times.

12. I ate turkey.

13. My mom texted me.

14. I had a tying score in my football pool. I lost it because two shitty teams actually scored some points on a Monday Night.

15. I watched D. Rose light up the Lakers, the Suns, and the Kings.

16. I had some hideous hunchback stare at me while I walked down the hall today.

17. I ate a whole container of taco dip in one sitting.

18. I watched all 32 episodes of Californication.

19. I recorded Ellen on my DVR.

20. I caught one of Jay Cutler's touchdown passes against the Eagles.
....
....
....
....

102. God told me to blow myself up on a full Greyhound bus. This was how I found out that God is actually Allah.

So there it is. A list of achievements from the most remarkable month of my life. Remember, jealousy is normal.

-Skitz

Why?: Avatar.

Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If your still putting cookies out for Santa each Christmas Eve, you're either a child or retarded. In either case you need to stop reading.

Now.


While watching Avatar for the 26th time or so and started to wonder something.

Where are the hoes?

It must get lonely for a hired man living in Pandora. Sure there are some women, such as Trudy (Michelle Rodriguez), but even she isn't bad ass enough to handle all that sausage. And I know Ms. Dr. Grace isn't letting those military guys chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo on her after they shoot up the Na'vi. So what is a pent up, fertile man to do? I mean, humping your hand can only work for so long. With so much irrationality and firepower, someone is going to get hurt.

Wars in distant lands require pussy on demand. If you have seen the movie you know they are in a land that is distant. Like...on one of Jupiter's moons. Jupiter is, some would say, far away. We aren't talking about, "But the remote is in the kitchen," far away. We aren't talking about, "But China is on the other side of the planet," far away. We are talking about Jupiter, A DIFFERENT FUCKING PLANET. And if this aforementioned vagina is still on Earth, there are a lot of sacks that need to be castrated because there are at least three possible tragedies that may occur.

A-Those meatballs are going to go crazy and shoot their hambres,
B-Instead of killing the Na'vi, they're going to capture the native smurfs and use them as their underprivileged sex slaves, or
C-They are going to get much closer with their buddies.

"Horizontal refreshments," as the Civil War soldiers called them, are part of the wartime culture. Hoes boost morale. For example; India sent "female troops" to the border of Pakistan in 2009. These troops were later found to be prostitutes sent to boost moral because the soldiers were acting in "acute frustration and depression;" A Dutch mayor said a few years back that prostitutes should travel with the army; Ancient military brothels were present in Greek times; And hey, Nazi's LOVED prostitutes. Even though they lost they put up a hell of a fight! Why? Because they could focus on their mission instead of constantly thinking about sex.

So where are the prostitutes, acted by the beautiful Rachel McAdams and Rosario Dawson, in Avatar? Where is the filthy, drug ridden character that could have easily been snorted up by Lindsay Lohan? Oh, rehab? Hell, rehab would be a perfect place to shoot a scene involving nasty whores who have no self respect. Put the window, which has a green screen in it, in each shot and BOOM, you have a sex scene and a futuristic firefight going on outside. Money.
But this didn't happen in Avatar.

In fact, the lack of proper prostitution is the reason the ex-Marines lost their fight with the Na'vi. You see, Guard 1 was actually under cover and heard Jake Sully's plan to use the Hallelujah Mountain's natural interference capabilities for attack. He then radioed Guard 2, who after such a long break from intercourse activity was in the back room satisfying himself with an unused avatar body. Needless to say, he didn't hear the important message. By the time Guard 2 had released his load into the lifeless avatar's tummy the Army had lost their instruments to interference and were about to be surprised by a lot of pissed off smurfs on dino-birds.

That is why they should have brought along prostitutes. They would have been warned about the attack, Jake Sully's paralyzed body would have been dropped in the middle of the jungle as punishment, and they wouldn't have to travel six years back to earth.

Prostitutes would have saved the army and Jake Sully's story would not have to continue.

And besides, six years traveling in a cryogenic case will have your scrotum filled up with enough semen to fill a submarine. Or take out someone's eye. Nobody wants that kind of blood on their hands.

-Skitz

(I am unapologetic for the content in this post. Sorry to the family.)

Ramblings: Talking to myself

I am currently sitting here, in my room, with a couple of shots in me watching Californication and just had some things I wanted to share.

ONE: I hate the course known as career planning. I don't like that some wannabe therapist is trying to dig into my soul. Plus, the douche assigns the final on a Friday when all the other stuff is due Sunday. I have more important shit to do during the week other than checking my damn BLACKBOARD for assignments. Like playing Call of Duty. Or updating my facebook status.

TWO: College basketball at Kish is sweet. The girls are technical and the guys are fast paced. However, it is annoying when a game has REFS that stop the game for excessive fouls. Nine minutes during the guys game took a full 45 minutes real time. If I was stoned I would have thought school was starting back up soon....

TWO and 1/2: I wanted to smack the people in front of me for bitching about the refs in a certain situation. A guy got hurt on the Kish team and was on the floor. The other team had the ball. The refs waited, as they should, to whistle for a halt in play until the other team scored or turned the ball over. But these unenlightened retard folk couldn't understand that. I thought sports fans (these people had a kid on the team) wouldn't be so ignorant. Must be from the State Dept.

THREE: I am frustrated with school. Last semester I had classes I enjoyed every day. This semester I find myself drifting off into a land that exists in my magical mind. A place called "NOT THIS BORING CLASS WITH BORING BULLSHIT." A place where elephants are still over populated and perfect to hunt for the mass profit of ivory.

FOUR: Too much homework still to do. I have a paper due tomorrow, history HW, and Spanish HW. Not cool.

FIVE: I am sick of being 20. I want to buy beer. I want to go to a bar and drink. This is crap. "Its my mind, and I want to damage it now!" (name the commercial)

SIX: Californication is both funny and sad. It has the relationship that cannot be and it is attractive to me. The character Hank Moody drinks, smokes, and screws to cope. Ah, the life of a novelist.

Finally, SEVEN: I had my study abroad orientation this past morning. It was awesome. I got to meet two people I will get to know better, known here as Prudence and Lucy. They seem pretty cool, although opposites. We shall see. But I learned about all the details regarding the trip to Carlow, Ireland. I learned not to drink heavily the first night there (bad things happen to those that do not respect the ramifications of jet lag). I learned about expenses, living, etc. I am hoping to share an apartment with a guy from Madison (did not get to meet because of car troubles). I want to have an American buddy to decompress and feel comfortable around while we experience this crazy country. Hopefully he is down to talk history, philosophy, beer, and women. If not, then Irish or other foreign students shall work. No matter what, it is going to be one hell of a four and a half month trip!

10. This orientation also inspired me to look into setting up another blog specifically for my Ireland trip; pre-trip, during trip, and post-trip. Look for it soon! Also, more posts will start coming when I'm not so busy! Happy Saturday! Go Bears!


-Skitz

It Ends Tonight: The Break-Up.

(image via http://www.butterfunk.com/image-3/middle+finger.htm)

Hours and hours you were there for me. I knew I could count on you when I was feeling lonely. I came home form work, and you were there. I woke up early so it could be just the the two of us. Myself and a warrior. We spent so much time together. Weekends we would team up and take on the world. A weekend of warfare. A year long love affair. The newest, the realist, the best; you were the most graphic and by far the most intense. You picked me up when I was down.

But time passes and eventually we rusted. Over time, our time together felt wasted, like a terminal wasteland. An invasion of issues derailed our scrapyard of possibilities. Life became a carnival, and it was too hard to let our problems pass under us. But still, this hard, vacant storm was salvaged with your fuel, and we were bailed out by an overflowing, overgrown strike of new campaigns. We crashed back into a pattern of high rising endearment, and a new estate was forged for us to rundown our problems.

For us to keep killing hostels.

But its over. Tonight I'm meeting someone else, someone better. Someone who won't pop out of rooms I just checked and stab me in the back. Someone who won't scope in on me and bring me down with one shot. Unlike you, she has dogs. Unlike you, she has an RC car I can play with. Unlike you, she will slow down and take a breath! Thank Hanoi. I won't exploit myself to an uncatchable objective any longer. Sure we can still be friends, but at the end of the day you won't be there.

Truth is bitch...you piss me off.

Tengo down.