I have achieved a great deal in the last month. I will now fill a portion of the infinite space at my disposal with words of little importance on this somewhat imaginary paper.
1. In November I started a blog. I have failed at maintaining it for anyone who started off interested. Your welcome.
2. I missed a few Spanish classes and no longer feel that I am up to learning another language I can't understand. English iz herd enof.
3. I am a third prestige in Call of Duty Black-Ops. God of Free-For-All. I am awesome.
4. I filled my car with gas a few times.
5. I have achieved a level of sobriety I will have to focus on reversing in December.
6. I learned that practical knowledge is useless.
7. Fuck making dollars, Euros, or gold. I have COD points.
8. After achieving lightheadedness from walking up the steps, one learns to accept hard time in the gym.
9. I got a C in Career Planning. I think my future is toast. Like...buttering fecking toast.
10. I fell asleep in Physics class.
11. I watched the beginning of Avatar no less than 15 times.
12. I ate turkey.
13. My mom texted me.
14. I had a tying score in my football pool. I lost it because two shitty teams actually scored some points on a Monday Night.
15. I watched D. Rose light up the Lakers, the Suns, and the Kings.
16. I had some hideous hunchback stare at me while I walked down the hall today.
17. I ate a whole container of taco dip in one sitting.
18. I watched all 32 episodes of Californication.
19. I recorded Ellen on my DVR.
20. I caught one of Jay Cutler's touchdown passes against the Eagles.
....
....
....
....
102. God told me to blow myself up on a full Greyhound bus. This was how I found out that God is actually Allah.
So there it is. A list of achievements from the most remarkable month of my life. Remember, jealousy is normal.
-Skitz
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Why?: Avatar.
Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If your still putting cookies out for Santa each Christmas Eve, you're either a child or retarded. In either case you need to stop reading.
Now.
While watching Avatar for the 26th time or so and started to wonder something.
Where are the hoes?
It must get lonely for a hired man living in Pandora. Sure there are some women, such as Trudy (Michelle Rodriguez), but even she isn't bad ass enough to handle all that sausage. And I know Ms. Dr. Grace isn't letting those military guys chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo on her after they shoot up the Na'vi. So what is a pent up, fertile man to do? I mean, humping your hand can only work for so long. With so much irrationality and firepower, someone is going to get hurt.
Wars in distant lands require pussy on demand. If you have seen the movie you know they are in a land that is distant. Like...on one of Jupiter's moons. Jupiter is, some would say, far away. We aren't talking about, "But the remote is in the kitchen," far away. We aren't talking about, "But China is on the other side of the planet," far away. We are talking about Jupiter, A DIFFERENT FUCKING PLANET. And if this aforementioned vagina is still on Earth, there are a lot of sacks that need to be castrated because there are at least three possible tragedies that may occur.
A-Those meatballs are going to go crazy and shoot their hambres,
B-Instead of killing the Na'vi, they're going to capture the native smurfs and use them as their underprivileged sex slaves, or
C-They are going to get much closer with their buddies.
"Horizontal refreshments," as the Civil War soldiers called them, are part of the wartime culture. Hoes boost morale. For example; India sent "female troops" to the border of Pakistan in 2009. These troops were later found to be prostitutes sent to boost moral because the soldiers were acting in "acute frustration and depression;" A Dutch mayor said a few years back that prostitutes should travel with the army; Ancient military brothels were present in Greek times; And hey, Nazi's LOVED prostitutes. Even though they lost they put up a hell of a fight! Why? Because they could focus on their mission instead of constantly thinking about sex.
So where are the prostitutes, acted by the beautiful Rachel McAdams and Rosario Dawson, in Avatar? Where is the filthy, drug ridden character that could have easily been snorted up by Lindsay Lohan? Oh, rehab? Hell, rehab would be a perfect place to shoot a scene involving nasty whores who have no self respect. Put the window, which has a green screen in it, in each shot and BOOM, you have a sex scene and a futuristic firefight going on outside. Money.
But this didn't happen in Avatar.
In fact, the lack of proper prostitution is the reason the ex-Marines lost their fight with the Na'vi. You see, Guard 1 was actually under cover and heard Jake Sully's plan to use the Hallelujah Mountain's natural interference capabilities for attack. He then radioed Guard 2, who after such a long break from intercourse activity was in the back room satisfying himself with an unused avatar body. Needless to say, he didn't hear the important message. By the time Guard 2 had released his load into the lifeless avatar's tummy the Army had lost their instruments to interference and were about to be surprised by a lot of pissed off smurfs on dino-birds.
That is why they should have brought along prostitutes. They would have been warned about the attack, Jake Sully's paralyzed body would have been dropped in the middle of the jungle as punishment, and they wouldn't have to travel six years back to earth.
Prostitutes would have saved the army and Jake Sully's story would not have to continue.
And besides, six years traveling in a cryogenic case will have your scrotum filled up with enough semen to fill a submarine. Or take out someone's eye. Nobody wants that kind of blood on their hands.
-Skitz
(I am unapologetic for the content in this post. Sorry to the family.)
Now.
While watching Avatar for the 26th time or so and started to wonder something.
Where are the hoes?
It must get lonely for a hired man living in Pandora. Sure there are some women, such as Trudy (Michelle Rodriguez), but even she isn't bad ass enough to handle all that sausage. And I know Ms. Dr. Grace isn't letting those military guys chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo on her after they shoot up the Na'vi. So what is a pent up, fertile man to do? I mean, humping your hand can only work for so long. With so much irrationality and firepower, someone is going to get hurt.
Wars in distant lands require pussy on demand. If you have seen the movie you know they are in a land that is distant. Like...on one of Jupiter's moons. Jupiter is, some would say, far away. We aren't talking about, "But the remote is in the kitchen," far away. We aren't talking about, "But China is on the other side of the planet," far away. We are talking about Jupiter, A DIFFERENT FUCKING PLANET. And if this aforementioned vagina is still on Earth, there are a lot of sacks that need to be castrated because there are at least three possible tragedies that may occur.
A-Those meatballs are going to go crazy and shoot their hambres,
B-Instead of killing the Na'vi, they're going to capture the native smurfs and use them as their underprivileged sex slaves, or
C-They are going to get much closer with their buddies.
"Horizontal refreshments," as the Civil War soldiers called them, are part of the wartime culture. Hoes boost morale. For example; India sent "female troops" to the border of Pakistan in 2009. These troops were later found to be prostitutes sent to boost moral because the soldiers were acting in "acute frustration and depression;" A Dutch mayor said a few years back that prostitutes should travel with the army; Ancient military brothels were present in Greek times; And hey, Nazi's LOVED prostitutes. Even though they lost they put up a hell of a fight! Why? Because they could focus on their mission instead of constantly thinking about sex.
So where are the prostitutes, acted by the beautiful Rachel McAdams and Rosario Dawson, in Avatar? Where is the filthy, drug ridden character that could have easily been snorted up by Lindsay Lohan? Oh, rehab? Hell, rehab would be a perfect place to shoot a scene involving nasty whores who have no self respect. Put the window, which has a green screen in it, in each shot and BOOM, you have a sex scene and a futuristic firefight going on outside. Money.
But this didn't happen in Avatar.
In fact, the lack of proper prostitution is the reason the ex-Marines lost their fight with the Na'vi. You see, Guard 1 was actually under cover and heard Jake Sully's plan to use the Hallelujah Mountain's natural interference capabilities for attack. He then radioed Guard 2, who after such a long break from intercourse activity was in the back room satisfying himself with an unused avatar body. Needless to say, he didn't hear the important message. By the time Guard 2 had released his load into the lifeless avatar's tummy the Army had lost their instruments to interference and were about to be surprised by a lot of pissed off smurfs on dino-birds.
That is why they should have brought along prostitutes. They would have been warned about the attack, Jake Sully's paralyzed body would have been dropped in the middle of the jungle as punishment, and they wouldn't have to travel six years back to earth.
Prostitutes would have saved the army and Jake Sully's story would not have to continue.
And besides, six years traveling in a cryogenic case will have your scrotum filled up with enough semen to fill a submarine. Or take out someone's eye. Nobody wants that kind of blood on their hands.
-Skitz
(I am unapologetic for the content in this post. Sorry to the family.)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Ramblings: Talking to myself
I am currently sitting here, in my room, with a couple of shots in me watching Californication and just had some things I wanted to share.
ONE: I hate the course known as career planning. I don't like that some wannabe therapist is trying to dig into my soul. Plus, the douche assigns the final on a Friday when all the other stuff is due Sunday. I have more important shit to do during the week other than checking my damn BLACKBOARD for assignments. Like playing Call of Duty. Or updating my facebook status.
TWO: College basketball at Kish is sweet. The girls are technical and the guys are fast paced. However, it is annoying when a game has REFS that stop the game for excessive fouls. Nine minutes during the guys game took a full 45 minutes real time. If I was stoned I would have thought school was starting back up soon....
TWO and 1/2: I wanted to smack the people in front of me for bitching about the refs in a certain situation. A guy got hurt on the Kish team and was on the floor. The other team had the ball. The refs waited, as they should, to whistle for a halt in play until the other team scored or turned the ball over. But these unenlightened retard folk couldn't understand that. I thought sports fans (these people had a kid on the team) wouldn't be so ignorant. Must be from the State Dept.
THREE: I am frustrated with school. Last semester I had classes I enjoyed every day. This semester I find myself drifting off into a land that exists in my magical mind. A place called "NOT THIS BORING CLASS WITH BORING BULLSHIT." A place where elephants are still over populated and perfect to hunt for the mass profit of ivory.
FOUR: Too much homework still to do. I have a paper due tomorrow, history HW, and Spanish HW. Not cool.
FIVE: I am sick of being 20. I want to buy beer. I want to go to a bar and drink. This is crap. "Its my mind, and I want to damage it now!" (name the commercial)
SIX: Californication is both funny and sad. It has the relationship that cannot be and it is attractive to me. The character Hank Moody drinks, smokes, and screws to cope. Ah, the life of a novelist.
Finally, SEVEN: I had my study abroad orientation this past morning. It was awesome. I got to meet two people I will get to know better, known here as Prudence and Lucy. They seem pretty cool, although opposites. We shall see. But I learned about all the details regarding the trip to Carlow, Ireland. I learned not to drink heavily the first night there (bad things happen to those that do not respect the ramifications of jet lag). I learned about expenses, living, etc. I am hoping to share an apartment with a guy from Madison (did not get to meet because of car troubles). I want to have an American buddy to decompress and feel comfortable around while we experience this crazy country. Hopefully he is down to talk history, philosophy, beer, and women. If not, then Irish or other foreign students shall work. No matter what, it is going to be one hell of a four and a half month trip!
10. This orientation also inspired me to look into setting up another blog specifically for my Ireland trip; pre-trip, during trip, and post-trip. Look for it soon! Also, more posts will start coming when I'm not so busy! Happy Saturday! Go Bears!
-Skitz
ONE: I hate the course known as career planning. I don't like that some wannabe therapist is trying to dig into my soul. Plus, the douche assigns the final on a Friday when all the other stuff is due Sunday. I have more important shit to do during the week other than checking my damn BLACKBOARD for assignments. Like playing Call of Duty. Or updating my facebook status.
TWO: College basketball at Kish is sweet. The girls are technical and the guys are fast paced. However, it is annoying when a game has REFS that stop the game for excessive fouls. Nine minutes during the guys game took a full 45 minutes real time. If I was stoned I would have thought school was starting back up soon....
TWO and 1/2: I wanted to smack the people in front of me for bitching about the refs in a certain situation. A guy got hurt on the Kish team and was on the floor. The other team had the ball. The refs waited, as they should, to whistle for a halt in play until the other team scored or turned the ball over. But these unenlightened retard folk couldn't understand that. I thought sports fans (these people had a kid on the team) wouldn't be so ignorant. Must be from the State Dept.
THREE: I am frustrated with school. Last semester I had classes I enjoyed every day. This semester I find myself drifting off into a land that exists in my magical mind. A place called "NOT THIS BORING CLASS WITH BORING BULLSHIT." A place where elephants are still over populated and perfect to hunt for the mass profit of ivory.
FOUR: Too much homework still to do. I have a paper due tomorrow, history HW, and Spanish HW. Not cool.
FIVE: I am sick of being 20. I want to buy beer. I want to go to a bar and drink. This is crap. "Its my mind, and I want to damage it now!" (name the commercial)
SIX: Californication is both funny and sad. It has the relationship that cannot be and it is attractive to me. The character Hank Moody drinks, smokes, and screws to cope. Ah, the life of a novelist.
Finally, SEVEN: I had my study abroad orientation this past morning. It was awesome. I got to meet two people I will get to know better, known here as Prudence and Lucy. They seem pretty cool, although opposites. We shall see. But I learned about all the details regarding the trip to Carlow, Ireland. I learned not to drink heavily the first night there (bad things happen to those that do not respect the ramifications of jet lag). I learned about expenses, living, etc. I am hoping to share an apartment with a guy from Madison (did not get to meet because of car troubles). I want to have an American buddy to decompress and feel comfortable around while we experience this crazy country. Hopefully he is down to talk history, philosophy, beer, and women. If not, then Irish or other foreign students shall work. No matter what, it is going to be one hell of a four and a half month trip!
10. This orientation also inspired me to look into setting up another blog specifically for my Ireland trip; pre-trip, during trip, and post-trip. Look for it soon! Also, more posts will start coming when I'm not so busy! Happy Saturday! Go Bears!
-Skitz
Monday, November 8, 2010
It Ends Tonight: The Break-Up.
Hours and hours you were there for me. I knew I could count on you when I was feeling lonely. I came home form work, and you were there. I woke up early so it could be just the the two of us. Myself and a warrior. We spent so much time together. Weekends we would team up and take on the world. A weekend of warfare. A year long love affair. The newest, the realist, the best; you were the most graphic and by far the most intense. You picked me up when I was down.
But time passes and eventually we rusted. Over time, our time together felt wasted, like a terminal wasteland. An invasion of issues derailed our scrapyard of possibilities. Life became a carnival, and it was too hard to let our problems pass under us. But still, this hard, vacant storm was salvaged with your fuel, and we were bailed out by an overflowing, overgrown strike of new campaigns. We crashed back into a pattern of high rising endearment, and a new estate was forged for us to rundown our problems.
For us to keep killing hostels.
But its over. Tonight I'm meeting someone else, someone better. Someone who won't pop out of rooms I just checked and stab me in the back. Someone who won't scope in on me and bring me down with one shot. Unlike you, she has dogs. Unlike you, she has an RC car I can play with. Unlike you, she will slow down and take a breath! Thank Hanoi. I won't exploit myself to an uncatchable objective any longer. Sure we can still be friends, but at the end of the day you won't be there.
Truth is bitch...you piss me off.
Tengo down.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Why?: The Blog.
Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If you were recently measured back-to-back with a leprechaun, then you need to stop reading.
ow.
In the first installment of the "Why" series I will share with the world why I am blogging. I should really put this under a section called "Homework" because this is the second thing I am posting that was originally for school. This was for my career planning class where I interviewed my newspaper advisor, Melissa, about the job. Although not the complete assignment, I feel this does a good job summing up my feelings for blogging as well as my future as a mediocre human being. We start three paragraphs into the paper...
(CONTENTS SLIGHTLY ALTERED)
Melissa gets the most satisfaction from her advisor position when the students are proud of their work. When they exceed expectations by getting more information than is required she knows the students are engaged in what they are doing and are pushing their original boundaries to take on a new range of capabilities. She is proud of the staff this semester for taking on a challenge and producing results. She has often said that this is the best staff she has had since she took the position. Melissa’s attitude about helping students and feeling proud when they do well is the reason I would like to teach. Students that have potential can sometimes get locked in their shell unless someone lights a fire under them. I want to light the match.
Melissa is confident that people who are enthusiastic, dedicated, and persistent in reaching their dreams as a writer will do well in finding their way. The most important extra-curricular activity Melissa suggests is blogging in order to write daily. Writing is something that takes continued practice and a blog is a resource to practice while at the same time writing for an audience. In fact, I just started a blog a couple of weeks ago because Melissa was prodding me to do it. I am glad I started because (it allows me to write what I want in order to entertain. I don't have to please some douche bag teacher who doesn't understand a peasant's sense of humor.)
I have tried to write in a humorous way as often as possible for assignments over the years, but it is usually inappropriate. The blog allows me to write naturally. Last week I posted one of my best literary works. (Maybe?) It really exemplifies my ability to make a point while at the same time being funny and controversial. This has already been a great tool to (improve) my writing. I have multiple projects I am working on, all of which are somewhat different.
I am working on projects that cover politics, social issues, and sports; I started multiple stories about my past experiences including a creative dialogue about multiple deaths in the family, a poem about why I didn’t join the Marine Corps, and a letter thanking friends and family for their service in the military. (Let's not forget the "Life. Motivation until death" post that will include lines such as, Divorce: Brought to you by Women's Rights - and - Change: It came, we see it, and we said...never mind.) All of these things I have started in the last week and I work on sporadically. (When I feel the creative magic.)
The biggest goal I aspire to attain is to write a book and have it published. I have always wanted to write a fictional novel and, recently, a non-fiction historical novel. (Like on local soldiers and what not. Contact me if your interested...) I am certain this blog will help me along the path of creative thought and writing, two of the primary goals I plan to perpetuate while I study in Ireland. (...while I study the art of drinking muy grande amounts of Guinness.) I have started organizing a fictional story I think has the potential to be interesting and I hope my study abroad experience can inject even more life (beer) into it.
I would not spend much time on blogging (beer) if I did not feel it was instrumental in my career path. As a teacher, I would have to give information to a class of (unappreciative) pupils, so I would have to somehow make them appreciate it. As a reporter or columnist, I would have to put together (unattractive) stories in a timely fashion. As a public speaker, I would have to organize presentations to be (unfortunately) persuasive or informative while at the same time making it entertaining. All of my interests have to do with organizing (unimportant) information and presenting them in an appropriate way. The blog is a perfect way to practice honing skills that I will be using in any of the professions I choose to pursue. (It is also a way to make sense of the cloudy world I see in my head. There is a lot going on, but not much I can grab onto months down the road.)
The interview with Melissa taught me a few things I did not already know, but the best advice I received from her is to start a blog. Even though she told me this before the interview, I think this paper really solidified my opinion on its importance for my future. (Mainly that I have no future unless it involves a case of Bud Light or a fifth of Vodka :D Blame Californication...) For that reason alone, this assignment was a success. Her advice to practice, get published, and just get noticed will resonate with me for years to come. I could see myself as a writer; my ability to shine through procrastination is a skill only journalists can admire.
Thanks for reading..."Why: The Blog."
Next week look for..."Why: Don't you go fuck yourself."
(I am unapologetic for anything in this post. Sorry to the family.)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Editorial: Proposition 19
This is an editorial I did for the Kaleidoscope (Kish newspaper). I wish it could have been longer, but I got my main points in. More to come on this subject in my first "American Dreams" post.
Prop19 was on the ballot in California to legalize marijuana. It’s time to reach up and remove the blinker hood from our eyes.
What comes to your mind of when you think of a “pot head?” I’m sure I know what your thinking. Isn’t it ironic that marijuana was made illegal because it was seen to make people violent? “Reefer Madness” was going to take over the country in the 30’s. It’s ridiculous. The only thing reefer madness could take over is a Panda Express.
The prohibition on marijuana doesn’t stop people from smoking. The prohibition forces tax dollars to be put into a useless war on drugs. It puts nonviolent citizens in jail, and then it requires tax dollars to holding these people in the prison system.
Prohibition doesn’t work. One only needs to look at the current state of the 18th Amendment for the proof. Marijuana is in demand and criminals provide it. The violent Mexican drug cartels help provide it. Of course, only 15-20% of their business comes from marijuana sales, so victimless crime as a whole would have to be evaluated to legalize drugs completely, thus eliminating large scale-international drug trafficking. This is not the article for that discussion, but shouldn’t we think of it?
In a world with common sense, alcohol would be illegal and marijuana would be embraced. Pot is not bad for you. Plain and simple. It ranks closer to caffeine then it does to any other drug. Alcohol is one of the worst. Last week UK experts concluded alcohol is the worst drug for society. It also has the most disastrous consequences for those not involved with the substance abuse. So which is worse?
I believe in liberty. Therefore I think both should be legal. If people are responsible and the public is not in danger, then there is no reason to prohibit something. But Prop19 was a failure. The public voted no. One reason might be the commercial in California that stated, “If Prop19 passes, people will come to worked stoned.”
This fear, without a doubt, scared the older generation. Outright lies stopped the domino effect that will take place sooner or later. Please, inform yourself on the topic; if you can defend the legality of alcohol over marijuana, you win.
“Over one’s mind and over one’s body the individual is sovereign. “ –John Stuart Mill, On Liberty
So what do you think?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Victimless Crimes
Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If you are lacking hair below your eyebrows, then you need to stop reading.
Now.
Have you ever gone home, took seven shots of Jose Cuervo, un-zipped your pants, and proceeded to spank the monkey so violently you passed out...waking up only to the sound of pounding genitalia screaming out of the TV, making you aware that your dick is still out, limp and full of broken blood vessels?
Neither have I.
But what if I did?
Would it worry you? Perhaps. Would it make you feel differently about me? Sure.
But.
None of it hurts anybody. That’s why none of what I described is illegal.
So why should I have to regulate my behavior to adhere to laws that, quite frankly, shouldn't exist? I am confused when I hear about laws such as wearing a seat belt when I drive. I am confused when I hear that the police pull people over for not wearing a helmet when they ride a motorcycle. I am confused when the cop knocks on my window while I am being satisfied by a hooker named Coco Fondu, tells me to get out of the car, and arrests both the prostitute and my blue balls.
What the HELL?
Don't get me wrong; not wearing a seat belt is stupid.
Not wearing a helmet on a motorcycle is equally misguided. You wouldn't want to be the guy who crashes without a helmet and has to spend the rest of his life wearing one. That shit would blow.
And going to a prostitute is almost certainly a stupid idea...deploying your soldier into the ass of a whore who has seen more dick than a urinal is fucking retarded. I don't care if your Big Foot, you should still be able to score with the Abominable SnowWoman and not have to resort to plugging Rosie O'Donnell.
Still, I think prostitution should be legal. Women have the right to sell their bodies…and men with ED have the right to feel loved. My history Instructor says “Let those girls unionize!” Get that no good, can’t get a job, impractical, pimptastical, dip-shit-pimp off the streets and into a federal work program. Those girls don’t need some guy covered in leopard print financially raping them. They get fucked enough. Get those hoes out of the alley and into a high quality brothel fit for the highest bidder. High-priced sex at night; low cost Obamacare check-up in the morning.
Seriously, tell me why the land of the free is still enforcing laws that criminalize victimless "crimes" like marijuana and prostitution. Why were laws instituted to prohibit these things? Oh yeah. Conservative morals; the old-fashioned, false, Christian perception that making something illegal will stop people from doing it.
Did you graduate from the 8th Grade?
Ok.
So tell me...what happens when you outlaw something that is in demand?
Black Market.
People who do drugs don't care if its illegal or not, they will still buy it and snort that shit up. People who are drug free don't say to themselves, "drugs are illegal. THAT is why I don't do them." No, a concerned parent might say that to their kids, but kids don't do drugs because, in almost every instance, they know it is mentally and physically unhealthy. The smart ones know this much, although they may be misinformed about drugs as a whole.
But a demand will always be there. So what happens when you make it illegal? Well, prohibition of alcohol way back when (in the 20's) did not stop steady consumption of alcohol. So what was the negative impact on society when a highly acclaimed product was made illegal?
Crime.
Corruption.
Fucking Al Capone.
We see the same thing now. The percentage of U.S. citizens smoking marijuana is double that of the Netherlands, where it is decriminalized.
Hold on. Read that again.
Shocked? Confused? What? You didn’t believe me when I said people don’t give a shit if it is illegal?
People are buying the drugs, and it can’t be tracked. Drug dealers are supplying a product to the public that is brought into the country by outsiders. Drug cartels are making MILLIONS OF DOLLARS every year from sales. The country is losing money straight to criminals from a different country. Plus, these rival cartels kill their customers, kill each other, bribe our public servants, and…, and…, and…
Pot is the gateway drug. Pot dealers sell to teenaged kids, intentionally targeting those who can't multiply with a calculator and also selfishly hoard all the zits. Naturally, these kids love the weed. So the drug dealer, being the businessman he is, tries to make more money. Let's face it, unless you’re moving a lot of product, marijuana is not a profitable item to sell. Therefore, a dealer will sell harder drugs for a better profit. These drugs are not for everyone. But some people travel to Sparta, see it's super badass, and give Athens a swift kick to the mast.
So how do we solve this psychedelic conundrum? Legalize it. Decriminalize it at least.
Plus, why the hell should anybody care if I'm smoking a bong in my house? It’s not a library. It’s my house. It’s not a daycare center. It’s my house. I can't walk down the street in the buff, legally; yet nobody cares if I work out every night -nude- in my friendly confines. So why wouldn’t it be ok to smoke in my house while I’m naked?
If I smoked, I wouldn’t catch "Reefer Madness" and shoot my neighbors. I wouldn't tell your kid to come to mi casa and light that ganja up like we're Cheech and Chong...or say if we smoke the wacky tobacky we can spend hours in a pineapple under the sea laughin and shootin the shit with a sponge. Responsible people should have the right to do what they please if they aren't hurting anyone else (such as their little munchkin children).
If some guy wants to drink 30 beers a night while watching reruns of Family Guy, let him. The general public should not adopt laws to stop this man from killing his liver. If he wants to drain his life away on a sofa in a state that resembles mental retardation, then that is his thoughtful decision. I just hope his family is planning to pull the plug.
First and foremost, that dude doesn't hurt my life in the slightest. In fact, I love the job he does cleaning up the bathroom at my McDonalds. Second, that fat bastard is probably subsidizing a beer company for expansion.
Something should be illegal only when it harms someone directly. The old eye for and eye still resinates in todays society. But taking out somebody’s eye because they smoked a joint is ridiculous. Why punish someone for an act that doesn’t have a negative affect on anyone else?
Some people like to smoke a pipe loaded with dank Purple Haze.
Some people like to drink Captain Morgan until they shit gold.
Some people like to do neither and become belligerently boring.
Example:
Let's say somebody eats Tostitos straight from the bag. You, on the other hand, buy the Fritos Jalapeño Cheddar dip that turns those bite size tortilla chips into a glorious blessing; a delicious golden wafer, divine enough to be served at the Lord's table every Sunday. So even though a sinner is eating straight out of the bag and has yet to be saved, don’t worry, you’re not the one going to hell.
You both have different ways to eat your totilly awesome snack. So why would you force them to dip their chip when they yearn to dry their mouth with a plain one? They aren't impeding on your right to slurp down that intoxicating Jalapeño Cheddar, are they? Hold on. Why should either of you even give a shit?
I mean, you’re eating chip.
"Did you just try to compare Tostitos with drugs? Seriously?" How about stapling your lips shut, dickhead. Apparently you don't see the imperative link between drugs and Tostitos:
Choice.
You don't have to dip the chip. You don't have to eat the chip at all. It is YOUR choice. Uncle Sam shouldn't stick his middle finger in your face when you want to do something other than assimilate into the American assembly line. This is not the 1950's. So if you want to eat the whole bag...go ahead! Chug down a six-pack of Mountain Dew? Do it with a beer bong! Send pictures of it! Send proof that snorting pixie sticks is really your idea of a legendary Friday night. Cap it off by smoking a cigarette out of your poop chute. But don’t think you’re the first one to do it…
No. That is a conversation for another time.
The “Nanny State” implemented over the years needs to be taken apart. Your decisions should be YOURS. If you want to smoke, SMOKE. If you want to drink, DRINK. If you want to risk HIV, screw a hooker.
After all, you're an American. You should have the choice.
-Skitz
Join, or Die.
Now.
Have you ever gone home, took seven shots of Jose Cuervo, un-zipped your pants, and proceeded to spank the monkey so violently you passed out...waking up only to the sound of pounding genitalia screaming out of the TV, making you aware that your dick is still out, limp and full of broken blood vessels?
Neither have I.
But what if I did?
Would it worry you? Perhaps. Would it make you feel differently about me? Sure.
But.
None of it hurts anybody. That’s why none of what I described is illegal.
So why should I have to regulate my behavior to adhere to laws that, quite frankly, shouldn't exist? I am confused when I hear about laws such as wearing a seat belt when I drive. I am confused when I hear that the police pull people over for not wearing a helmet when they ride a motorcycle. I am confused when the cop knocks on my window while I am being satisfied by a hooker named Coco Fondu, tells me to get out of the car, and arrests both the prostitute and my blue balls.
What the HELL?
Don't get me wrong; not wearing a seat belt is stupid.
Not wearing a helmet on a motorcycle is equally misguided. You wouldn't want to be the guy who crashes without a helmet and has to spend the rest of his life wearing one. That shit would blow.
And going to a prostitute is almost certainly a stupid idea...deploying your soldier into the ass of a whore who has seen more dick than a urinal is fucking retarded. I don't care if your Big Foot, you should still be able to score with the Abominable SnowWoman and not have to resort to plugging Rosie O'Donnell.
Still, I think prostitution should be legal. Women have the right to sell their bodies…and men with ED have the right to feel loved. My history Instructor says “Let those girls unionize!” Get that no good, can’t get a job, impractical, pimptastical, dip-shit-pimp off the streets and into a federal work program. Those girls don’t need some guy covered in leopard print financially raping them. They get fucked enough. Get those hoes out of the alley and into a high quality brothel fit for the highest bidder. High-priced sex at night; low cost Obamacare check-up in the morning.
Seriously, tell me why the land of the free is still enforcing laws that criminalize victimless "crimes" like marijuana and prostitution. Why were laws instituted to prohibit these things? Oh yeah. Conservative morals; the old-fashioned, false, Christian perception that making something illegal will stop people from doing it.
Did you graduate from the 8th Grade?
Ok.
So tell me...what happens when you outlaw something that is in demand?
Black Market.
People who do drugs don't care if its illegal or not, they will still buy it and snort that shit up. People who are drug free don't say to themselves, "drugs are illegal. THAT is why I don't do them." No, a concerned parent might say that to their kids, but kids don't do drugs because, in almost every instance, they know it is mentally and physically unhealthy. The smart ones know this much, although they may be misinformed about drugs as a whole.
But a demand will always be there. So what happens when you make it illegal? Well, prohibition of alcohol way back when (in the 20's) did not stop steady consumption of alcohol. So what was the negative impact on society when a highly acclaimed product was made illegal?
Crime.
Corruption.
Fucking Al Capone.
We see the same thing now. The percentage of U.S. citizens smoking marijuana is double that of the Netherlands, where it is decriminalized.
Hold on. Read that again.
Shocked? Confused? What? You didn’t believe me when I said people don’t give a shit if it is illegal?
People are buying the drugs, and it can’t be tracked. Drug dealers are supplying a product to the public that is brought into the country by outsiders. Drug cartels are making MILLIONS OF DOLLARS every year from sales. The country is losing money straight to criminals from a different country. Plus, these rival cartels kill their customers, kill each other, bribe our public servants, and…, and…, and…
Pot is the gateway drug. Pot dealers sell to teenaged kids, intentionally targeting those who can't multiply with a calculator and also selfishly hoard all the zits. Naturally, these kids love the weed. So the drug dealer, being the businessman he is, tries to make more money. Let's face it, unless you’re moving a lot of product, marijuana is not a profitable item to sell. Therefore, a dealer will sell harder drugs for a better profit. These drugs are not for everyone. But some people travel to Sparta, see it's super badass, and give Athens a swift kick to the mast.
So how do we solve this psychedelic conundrum? Legalize it. Decriminalize it at least.
Plus, why the hell should anybody care if I'm smoking a bong in my house? It’s not a library. It’s my house. It’s not a daycare center. It’s my house. I can't walk down the street in the buff, legally; yet nobody cares if I work out every night -nude- in my friendly confines. So why wouldn’t it be ok to smoke in my house while I’m naked?
If I smoked, I wouldn’t catch "Reefer Madness" and shoot my neighbors. I wouldn't tell your kid to come to mi casa and light that ganja up like we're Cheech and Chong...or say if we smoke the wacky tobacky we can spend hours in a pineapple under the sea laughin and shootin the shit with a sponge. Responsible people should have the right to do what they please if they aren't hurting anyone else (such as their little munchkin children).
If some guy wants to drink 30 beers a night while watching reruns of Family Guy, let him. The general public should not adopt laws to stop this man from killing his liver. If he wants to drain his life away on a sofa in a state that resembles mental retardation, then that is his thoughtful decision. I just hope his family is planning to pull the plug.
First and foremost, that dude doesn't hurt my life in the slightest. In fact, I love the job he does cleaning up the bathroom at my McDonalds. Second, that fat bastard is probably subsidizing a beer company for expansion.
Something should be illegal only when it harms someone directly. The old eye for and eye still resinates in todays society. But taking out somebody’s eye because they smoked a joint is ridiculous. Why punish someone for an act that doesn’t have a negative affect on anyone else?
Some people like to smoke a pipe loaded with dank Purple Haze.
Some people like to drink Captain Morgan until they shit gold.
Some people like to do neither and become belligerently boring.
Example:
Let's say somebody eats Tostitos straight from the bag. You, on the other hand, buy the Fritos Jalapeño Cheddar dip that turns those bite size tortilla chips into a glorious blessing; a delicious golden wafer, divine enough to be served at the Lord's table every Sunday. So even though a sinner is eating straight out of the bag and has yet to be saved, don’t worry, you’re not the one going to hell.
You both have different ways to eat your totilly awesome snack. So why would you force them to dip their chip when they yearn to dry their mouth with a plain one? They aren't impeding on your right to slurp down that intoxicating Jalapeño Cheddar, are they? Hold on. Why should either of you even give a shit?
I mean, you’re eating chip.
"Did you just try to compare Tostitos with drugs? Seriously?" How about stapling your lips shut, dickhead. Apparently you don't see the imperative link between drugs and Tostitos:
Choice.
You don't have to dip the chip. You don't have to eat the chip at all. It is YOUR choice. Uncle Sam shouldn't stick his middle finger in your face when you want to do something other than assimilate into the American assembly line. This is not the 1950's. So if you want to eat the whole bag...go ahead! Chug down a six-pack of Mountain Dew? Do it with a beer bong! Send pictures of it! Send proof that snorting pixie sticks is really your idea of a legendary Friday night. Cap it off by smoking a cigarette out of your poop chute. But don’t think you’re the first one to do it…
No. That is a conversation for another time.
The “Nanny State” implemented over the years needs to be taken apart. Your decisions should be YOURS. If you want to smoke, SMOKE. If you want to drink, DRINK. If you want to risk HIV, screw a hooker.
After all, you're an American. You should have the choice.
-Skitz
Join, or Die.
Thanks to those invaluable people and groups who helped me write my first official post:
Presidents: T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Nixon, Carter, Clinton, Bush, and Obama.
Felipe Calderó-your a jackass.
The FBN (Federal Bureau of Narcotics) and the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency).
Most of all, William Randolph Hearst. Thanks for exemplifying corporate greed. Dick.
Follow up:
First, I have never written anything so obscene in my life. And for that reason, I am proud. I am unapologetic for anything in here (sorry to the family). I had a few people proof read the first 200 words or so the night before I added on and edited parts of it. I got the impression from them it was funny. Of course, one is a U.S. Marine and those SOBs are nuts; and the other one didn’t understand my joke about a prostitute. Let me clarify; although I’m sure no one will read this post for weeks (probably ever), go ahead and be offended. But we should all remember to be thankful we don't have to write in boring ass spanish. Hasta pronto!
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