The #1 stat man in Chicago: Derrick Rose

Picture: coresteams

Too big. Too fast. Too strong. Too good.

Stacey King doesn’t need to say anymore than that.

At 6”3’, Derrick Rose ignores size restrictions by breaking them all. And he likes to break ankles on the way.

Every year I find my love for a new Chicago team. In 2006, I finally fell in love with the Bears. They had a devastating defense with the revival of the Monsters of the Midway and Devin Hester was phenomenal, leading the offense to the Super Bowl--without ever taking a snap on offense.

In 2008 it was the Cubs. I loved watching Ramirez, Fukudome, DeRosa, and the rest. That was a great season…if you can somehow forget about the tragedy of rape because that’s what the Dodgers did to them in the playoffs. I’ll never forget being at Game 2, yelling at Fukudome to “SWING AT THE BALL!” And screaming at Soriano to “QUIT SWINGING AT THE FUCKING BALL!”

Then in the fall it was Kane and Toews peaking my interest in the Blackhawks and bringing my hung-over ass to freezing Wrigley Field for the Winter Classic on New Years Day. It still awes me to think that those two superstars are just a year older than me yet are in their fourth NHL season. Oh, and Stanley Cup Champions.

I guess what I am saying is that great performances by great players or likable characters attract me to sports. Enter Derrick Rose.

The summer he was drafted I remember the hype. I remember the talking heads on ESPN debating about who would be drafted first--Michael Beasley or Rose? As a hater of the NBA, I didn’t really give a shit. Moving on.

When the NBA season finally arrived, I turned on a game once in a while. It was fun to watch Rose play because he had great ball handling skills and drove the lane with such determination that teams had trouble stopping him. But all in all the team was hard to watch, going 41-41 that season. I’d watch occasionally, but NBA players REALLY pissed me off. Players like King Baby James and King Douche Varejao of Cleveland were always whining and bitching like THAT was their job and NOT basketball. So the only reason I watched was to see what Derrick Rose would do on the court. Then came the historic First Round of the 2009 Playoffs against Boston. That was the most exciting thing I’ve ever watched on TV. Period.

I’ll admit to barely watching the Bulls after Rose won the Rookie of the Year Award. I caught bits and pieces of the 2009-2010 season, but to put it in perspective, I didn’t realize the team was even in the playoffs last May.

This year is different. 

First, watching college games in person changed my perspective on the game. It is fast, intense, and takes a tremendous amount of skill that I admire now more than before. Second, the NBA is better to watch than college. They are grown men playing ball at a superior level. For instance, the ball goes in the hoop.

What really got me going on the Bulls this season was their first meeting with the Lakers on November 23. Rose was tearing up the court. He was making shots he had no business making and flying through the air in ways my Physics professor said wasn't possible. He ended the game with 30 points and a conversation with Kobe Bryant...apparently I'm not the only one that can see this young player starting to blossom into a versatile star.

Anybody who has seen the guy play knows he is good. No doubt. But have you seen him play since the middle of November? No? Then you haven’t seen the new Derrick Rose.

Rose was just 19 years old when he played his first game with the Bulls 2008. He averaged 16.8 points per game, 6.3 assists, and a .222% 3-point shot, making 16 his inaugural year. A good season for a rookie.

Last year he averaged 20.8 points, 6 assists, and a .267% 3-point shot, once again making only 16. Another good year.

Rose came to the Bulls with “established” leaders like Ben Gordon, Kirk Hinrich, and Luol Deng in place. He tossed the ball around a lot and got these players open while making some great plays in between. Two years later, that is changing. After last year’s 26.8 points per game in the playoff series against Cleveland, it has been Derrick’s team, and everyone knows it.

Rose continues to work hard and improve parts of his game. He has the “push” shot from 10-15 feet nearly perfected, which works in tandem with his driving ability. His jump shot has been improving, although with a .479% FG average, it’s hard to say somebody can improve much.

But now something else is happening in his game that is starting to demand respect: Rose is sinking the money shot.

Derrick Rose is averaging .421% behind the arc this season; 40 3-pt field goals this year. He only made 32 in the past two seasons...it is still December. Speaking of December, as of right now he is 22 for 40 in his downtown attempts for the month…55%!

What is really beginning to impress me, and the NBA, is his ability to finish and to will his team to a tough victory. He is starting to pull through in big moments with huge shots. He did it in the win last Friday against the Lakers just as he did against Houston the Saturday before. Since the middle of November, he has turned up the intensity and is looking like a man who is just going to get better.

Rose is putting up 24.7 points per game so far this season and here is why, from a statistical standpoint.

In two complete seasons, and so far this season, Derrick has had 15 games of 30 or more points. All 15 of these games have come in the past year, and 7 are from the first 22 games this season. The Bulls are 5-2 when Rose scores at least 30 points; the only two losses coming against elite teams in the Lakers and Spurs. But he isn’t hogging the ball more than a point guard should. Throw on the 8.3 assists average to his points per game and you have a dangerous playmaker touching that ball after every inbound play.

Without Rose, the Bulls look like shit. He orchestrates the offense in a way no one else on the team can replicate. Not even the spectacular C.J. Watson. Rose drives the paint so successfully that the opposing defense gets pulled into defending him. He is literally a point guard that drives the gaps like a needle, deflating the defense so the outside shooters have open shots.

And he is a man. He isn’t hot headed (who can’t show off once in a while with that kind of talent?) and you can see he is working hard to be better. Not to mention the intangibles. He hates to lose.

Think about the great players of the last 10 years or so. Who comes to mind? MJ? Kobe? LeBron? Howard? Peirce? They all get this look on their face when they drive to the hoop and destroy the defense. A look that says, “You thought you could stop me? Back off my lane.” Derrick is getting that at the age of 22.

Rose is the leader a Championship team needs. Oh, and Derrick also has more 30-point games than Kobe Bryant did in his first three years. Don’t blow that out of proportion. I’m not saying Derrick is Kobe, one of the best players of all time. 

I’m just saying that Derrick has a long way to go. I’m just saying he is on the right path.

Rose has the attitude of a champion. I can see it. I have spent the last few weeks watching tape on Jordan and Kobe and have noticed some things. Early in their careers they just went about their business as superstars. But after a few seasons they developed an intense desire to win. That desire is what transforms amazing players into pure greatness. Derrick’s attitude is beginning to mimic theirs.

This is the evolution season. He has already evolved in 22 games from very talented to MVP caliber. He IS the offense when he is on the court. He is the ever-present threat. Further, he WILL continue to get better. He is not arrogant enough to think he is just good enough. He understands he has to add to his skill set every year, and that maturity is what will separate him from the rest.

Oh, wait. I think he started to break away last spring.

Without seeing much tape on Magic Johnson, Oscar Robertson, Isiah Thomas, John Stockton, Kidd, Nash, etc, I don’t want to come to an ignorant conclusion about where Rose will end up in his career. I don’t claim to be an expert (yet).

Yet, with that being said, Derrick Rose will be one of the top 20 players of the present decade. Or he will be in a cast, AI style. Tempted to make a bolder suggestion, I’ll leave it at that. The proof is on display, multiple times a week. And I’m ready to absorb as much as I can from the top player in Chicago for years to come.

-Skitz

Chicago sports fans

For the avid Chicago sports fan, High-Definition Television is a must. HD makes everything better. It's the weed of TV. Whether watching captivating Cubs games, south side Sox games, or the Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup, HD TV amplifies the intensity. If you don't have HD, you didn't truly see the Patriots shwhack the Bears or Cutler getting pummeled into the snow.

High-Definition kicks ass. That's why Chicago sports people, myself included, get really pissed off when we look for a game and can't find it. We know it's on, we just looked at the schedule.

Oh, SON OF A BITCH.

From WGN we slowly move up the channel listing and yep, there it is. Smack dab on The U, basically a WGN independent channel. HD not included. What a joke.

In 2010, it is beginning to annoy me that the Bulls are still making deals with TV stations that don't carry HD. The game tonight is against the 2nd place Pacers, a game that will either expand the Bulls first place lead in the division or close the gap. And it will be on 1998 quality television. Might as well stream it Live with a hand held camera to a PC.

Pissed about the ordeal, I decide to do some research on the matter. So I go to Google, Jesus of the Internet. I start to put in my detailed search, "why are the Bulls on channel 26." I got to "why are the" and stopped, looking at all of the search suggestions. Some strange things come up, like "why are the French called frogs," and--the question of our generation--"why are the Kardashians famous?" But then I made a startling discovery. With the exception of two results, these are the rest:

Why are the White Sox wearing green?
Why are the flags at half mast today in Illinois?
Why are the Bears wearing 99 on their helmets?
Why are the Bears playing in Toronto?
Why are the Bears wearing pink?

There you have it. Chicago people, although apparently educated about the positive results wielded from surfing Google, do not own TVs with sound. I listen to Chicago sports radio (670) so this doesn't come as much of a surprise. Chicago fans, at least a sizable portion, are completely and utterly retarded--unable to use any cognitive ability to turn an idea into a conclusive reason. And don't deny my diagnosis. I am fully qualified to make such a statement. I was a Direct Support Person for 9 months working with the aforementioned Chicago area developmentally disabled. I'm practically a doctor now.

But using my superior midwestern thinking skills, I started reasoning, coming to more reasonably reasonable reasons on the more likely reasons these Chicago related suggestions came up. One being that Google can analyze where I am and give me suggestions that fit my area. Well that makes sense.

And then the Bulls game came on.

I turn around.

I realize my first hypothesis about Chicago meat heads was right.

So...

When the fuck did The U start providing High-Definition?

Shit. I'm a Chicago meatball.

Time to apply at McDonalds for a janitorial position.

Well at least I can watch Derrick Rose destroy in HD now.

-Skitz

Death.

Have you ever seen death? He doesn't stay around long, but you remember him for a while. He usually comes early in the morning or at night. Then, he slowly fades away. After a few days your just in a state of shock. You saw him, you know it, yet you don't really grasp what happened. One thing you do know: memories are all you have now. Their won't be a second chance.

Then he comes again. It's him, but he is a little different. Equally as demanding, but the emotions he places on you are different.

Have you ever seen death? He comes at the worst time. That bastard drop kicks your face right before the prom. He comes on Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day. He doesn't care if you have a football game, an ACT or a final exam. He likes to keep you thinking about him instead of thinking about the ones who are right in front of you.

Have you ever seen death? Have you ever stood in mud, shivering in the ice cold rain, watching raindrops fall off a casket? Have you been handed a rose that means so much to you that you watch it decompose on your bookshelf? Have you ever heard the trumpets, seen the flag folded, or felt the pulsations of a somebody as they cry in your arms? Have you ever seen a man get cut in half from the sudden loss of a parent? Have you ever seen a woman with make-up running down her cheeks clutching onto someones hand and holding tissues in the other? Or was it yourself looking in the mirror?

Has death ever come so close to your life that you mark yourself with ink to cover up the scars?

Have you ever seen death?
Death fucks up your short term, complicates your near term, and torments your long term.

And as death follows you through your life, the only thing you can do is accept it. The hard times will pass by, you'll keep living, and someone else will pass. The only thing to do is accept that death will keep checking up on us, and the only time it can stop us from living is when it's our turn. And when I die, I don't want to stop anyone from living.

-Skitz

-For my Dad's 5th absent Birthday.

His 132, Week 15

Just got done writing a six page paper, doing HW, and writing on the discussion board for my online History class from Antiquity to 1500. This week was the chapter on the Black Death. We learned about the sophisticated medical technology available to the people during the time, how victims prayers were absolutely never heard by God, and how rich people got to leave the city and let those lazy peasants fend for themselves. 


This is a good class, although I always wait until Sunday to do the homework assignments. I usually have fun with the discussion board, drawing on something funny and discreetly hinting at it. Well I was sick of writing tonight (yet I'm pulling an all nighter to get more HW done, including a two page reflection paper for journalism) and couldn't hold back on the stupidity of Middle Age society. Here it is, historically accurate by the way.






I am certainly glad we don't use cryptograms as a form of security against natural disease. Better yet, I'm ecstatic that last time I had the flu nobody shot a cannon off while I was trying to rest. I am glad that Guy de Chauliac started some work that led to a more scientific and clinical approach to medicine because people in the Middle Ages were clearly not receiving any blatant answers from God on how to avoid sickness. There were definite advances from this era to now-albeit slow-but we were still living near our feces until the mid 1800's (at least in confined, urban areas) and we didn't know it was bad for us to be so close to smelly poop. 

Thanks to all the past, present, and future doctors and scientists.




-Skitz

Ireland, Crew, and Tangents

Before proceeding, you should know that beer and alcohol have transmitted their influence through my nervous system and to my fingers, making the language slightly inappropriate for humans that resemble elves. If you are a child or an elf, please stop reading and get back to work making shoes for Nike. Christmas is fucking coming.



I leave for Ireland in one month, 21 hours.

Holy. Shit.

I am finally leaving this small town. I am finally getting away from people I rarely connect with. Seriously, I don't give a shit about a car's engine.

Seriously, I'm sick of constant reminders of the past that I can't get away with.

I should have taken the advice of my buddy Red (or Red Muff) when we were juniors in high school (By buddy I mean the most trusted and respected guy I know. Not to mention he is the example of how high school grades lie about knowledge. The dude is fucking smart as hell. Ok, now I will jump off his dick.)

One night (a crazy night, full of drama, water works, and Bone Thugs) the Crew was getting heavy in some personal topics that sometimes got brought up. Now that I think about it, this was a night that we all said we wouldn't forget (hey you four...did you forget it?). But my bullshit problems got brought up and Red (Muff) said something that I won't forget. "Dude, I could see you moving away. Like, I think it would be the best for you. You have too many memories here that are too hard for you."

Son of a bitch he was right.

Yea, things got better for a while, but all in all I will ALWAYS feel held back living in this small town. I can never evolve. I'll never need to adapt.

...To back it up for my Crew nukkas real quick. Why can't I find anyone to philosophize with like you fuckers? We need to burn a tree or two and chop some halves....

In a month, I will have to adapt. I will have to learn a whole new language: the language of Irish mumblin'. Guinness wrapped in corn beef n cabbage will be my diet. I hope I can walk from the pub to my apartment. Jesus, maybe I'll sleep at the pub so I don't have to walk so far to class the next morning.

By the way, I only have class Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Haha bitches.

I feel like I left the theme of this post.


I'll leave it at this.



"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." -Eleanor Roosevelt

So where the fuck do you stand?

-Skitz

What Dreams May Come

Let's get serious.

An open coming out party.

And no, I'm not gay. Fuck off.

I am about to watch What Dreams May Come for the third time now. The last time I saw this movie was nearly two and a half years ago, and for good reason. It strikes a deep chord with me every time. It has powerfully tragic scenes that people, like me, can connect to. My love for drama and dark humor spawns from the past five years where I have dealt with excessive and traumatic losses in my family. This shit hits home for me. If you haven't seen this movie, the whole family is dead about halfway through. Cheery, right?

But this movie is probably the one that moves me the most. Last time I watched it was for my last paper in high school where I detailed its connection to my life. And I vividly remember having some breakdowns weeks after. Maybe it was gradation, maybe it was dating someone I could talk to again. Either way, the catalyst was this movie.

The sudden loss of family. The feeling of being alone. The tragedy of suicide. The complexity of life. All of this the movie explores; all I have experienced. I figure I have a month left being in the States and I ought to get my emotions out now so I don't do it with Guinness in Ireland.

I guess I will push play now. At 10:45 at night. Paper to finish in the morning. Spanish at 9:00. Good idea.

*Crack*
That was me opening a Bud Light.

And this is me finishing the post after watching it.

I could better understand the movie this time around (in its writing, symbolism, writing, etc). It had some elements that were very positive in order to balance the darker parts. These good natured parts I forgot about since the last time I watched it.

It was good. The experience wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be. Still, Annabella Sciorra does a fantastic job portraying a confused and devastated mother and wife. The love that her husband (Robin Williams) shows for her is translated through happy conversation as well as extreme sadness, especially in the scene when he finds out his wife killed herself. That is the hardest realization for someone. Not that the person is gone, but that the person was suffering so greatly that they would end their own life.

The tragedy and sadness displayed in What Dreams May Come is what makes a movie great for me. They hit on emotions that are deep for many people. Therefore they are done in a good way. In the Bedroom is another movie that uses tragedy as the steering point. Quickly: Kid falls for recently divorced mother, the two date, the ex gets jealous, the kid is about to go off to a special college, breaks off relationship, women's ex gets physical, kid goes to house to protect her...kid gets shot in the head. Cheery, right? Then the movie deals with the devastated parents.

Another example is World's Greatest Dad, a dark comedy featuring Robin Williams as a writer. His jerk son is a pervert and a complete fucking jackass that everyone hates. The kid also likes to choke himself while he masturbates. Well one day the father comes home to find his son dead. He accidentally choked himself to death while whacking it (tragic, but hilarious!). Then the Dad writes a story (from the kid's point of view) making him look like the unlikely everyman/child that is just misunderstood. Classic.

Magnolia, Crash, The Butterfly Effect, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, The Air I Breathe, The Upside of Anger, and American Beauty are all movies that make you think about what happened and what can happen. And what HAS happened in my life allows me to connect deeply with what IS happening with the characters, further bringing to life a dramatic story.

Feels good to get that off my chest.

Life. The thing that keeps you motivated 'til death.

Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If you're still collecting toys out of Happy Meal bags or you don't remember Keenan and Kel on Sunday nights, then you need to stop reading.

Now.

What a way to start of December. Finally I'm posting this; a kickstart to the great final month of 2010 and for me in the States!


Bordem: An activity that spawns stupid shit like that seen below.

Life: A controversial experience that should be admired instead of unappreciated.

Football: The game that never lets you down. Even when your team is losing, it is still great to see a kid receive a concussive tackle.

Taco Bell: The food that always satisfies hunger. Even when the taco constructer mistakes your order of no sour cream for more sour cream. At least he tried.

Sex: The activity that always pleases. Even if its slow going, you still have a hard on.

Slut: A person who overcompensates for their mental deficiencies.
God: An entity to thank for women who overcompensate for their mental deficiencies.

Indians: What Native Americans are called.
Telemarketers: What Indians are called.

Taco Bell: A Mexican restaurant.

Mexico: Every planet needs a loser.

Sex after marriage: An activity that USED to be mandatory. 

Horse racing: The race that starts with a blind horse and ends with a blind gambler.

Jersey Shore: Food for thought.

Alcohol: Killing one homeless man at a time.

Video games: Something that makes a pussy shrivel.

Small towns: Where the best parties are in a garage.
Bonfires: Entertainment for the wasted.

My hometown: Where parties in a garage end by a bonfire.

Baseball: The other game that never lets you down. Unless you’ve been trapped at Wrigley Field for 102 years.

Diamonds: The gift that lasts forever. (Well, at least for her.) Even when she leaves you, that bitch still got bling.

Slavery: The reason black people dominate sports and have spectacular rhythm.
Racism: The reason Alabama doesn't carry black crayons.

Water Tetris: The newest sport. Next will be fucking NASCAR...

Call of Duty: The reason Mark Kirk claimed to be a war hero.

Middle Eastern Life: Stop and think about it. Now you know why Bin Laden is so pissed off. Not to mention his HD receiver isn't in yet.

AIDS: Say no to butt sex.

McDonalds: Everybody has one; mine just happens to be Hustler.

Golf: A quick way to intoxication and an unapproved visit to anger management.
Golf: The only game where hitting your balls while holding the base of your shaft is fun.

Study abroad: The study of women.

The 2008 Presidential Election: White people making up for slavery.

The 2008 Presidential Election: The black vote.

The 2010 Mid-term Election: White people making up for Obama's election.

The 2010 Mid-term Election: What black vote?

Change: Something the President and a transexuals have in common.

Change: It came, we see it, and we said...never mind.

Muslims: Kill yourself for eternal glory.
                                                               - Love, Jesus

Laws: Originating with a prick in Babylon and presently pleasantly enforced by your local dickhead with a badge.

Prom night: A night that breeds future serial killers.

Drunk Drivers: Perpetuating the evolution of highway laws every Saturday.

Sunglasses: A device men use to look at boobs, unobtrusively.

Porn: The primary reason your man isn't cheating on you. So quit bitching, bitch.

"This is too long to read." Its a fucking post-it note.

Sally: A name insecure and unsure straight "culchie" men call gay men.

Fourth Graders: Shit heads that eat glue.
Eighth Graders: Shit heads that eat chalk.
Twelfth Graders: Dumb shits.

High School: Where book covers are made from posters.

Miller Lite: Beer flavored piss.
Miller Lite: Even beer needs a loser.

Alcoholic women: Ladies that do shots to celebrate their emergence into the third trimester.

Your Mom: A very lovely woman.

Facebook: "Liking" shit is in.

Jeopardy: What came first, the question or the answer?

Penis: Whether you have one or you want on one, we all revolve around dick.

Hormones. The reason for domestic violence.

Kentucky Fried Chicken: Solving domestic violence.

Women: They know how to work a man. They will either manipulate your nuts or mutilate your nuts to get what they want. Although there is no way mutilation can become a positive activity, hopefully manipulation can be turned into some kind of bedroom game.

Divorce: Brought to you by Women's Rights.


"Life sucks, then you die." Thanks for the motivation Pop.

-Skitz


Which one is the most thought provoking for you?


(I am unapologetic for anything in this post. Sorry to my future employer.)

Personal Achievement

I have achieved a great deal in the last month. I will now fill a portion of the infinite space at my disposal with words of little importance on this somewhat imaginary paper.


1. In November I started a blog. I have failed at maintaining it for anyone who started off interested. Your welcome.

2. I missed a few Spanish classes and no longer feel that I am up to learning another language I can't understand. English iz herd enof.

3. I am a third prestige in Call of Duty Black-Ops. God of Free-For-All. I am awesome.

4. I filled my car with gas a few times.

5. I have achieved a level of sobriety I will have to focus on reversing in December.

6. I learned that practical knowledge is useless.

7. Fuck making dollars, Euros, or gold. I have COD points.

8. After achieving lightheadedness from walking up the steps, one learns to accept hard time in the gym.

9. I got a C in Career Planning. I think my future is toast. Like...buttering fecking toast.

10. I fell asleep in Physics class.

11. I watched the beginning of Avatar no less than 15 times.

12. I ate turkey.

13. My mom texted me.

14. I had a tying score in my football pool. I lost it because two shitty teams actually scored some points on a Monday Night.

15. I watched D. Rose light up the Lakers, the Suns, and the Kings.

16. I had some hideous hunchback stare at me while I walked down the hall today.

17. I ate a whole container of taco dip in one sitting.

18. I watched all 32 episodes of Californication.

19. I recorded Ellen on my DVR.

20. I caught one of Jay Cutler's touchdown passes against the Eagles.
....
....
....
....

102. God told me to blow myself up on a full Greyhound bus. This was how I found out that God is actually Allah.

So there it is. A list of achievements from the most remarkable month of my life. Remember, jealousy is normal.

-Skitz

Why?: Avatar.

Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If your still putting cookies out for Santa each Christmas Eve, you're either a child or retarded. In either case you need to stop reading.

Now.


While watching Avatar for the 26th time or so and started to wonder something.

Where are the hoes?

It must get lonely for a hired man living in Pandora. Sure there are some women, such as Trudy (Michelle Rodriguez), but even she isn't bad ass enough to handle all that sausage. And I know Ms. Dr. Grace isn't letting those military guys chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo on her after they shoot up the Na'vi. So what is a pent up, fertile man to do? I mean, humping your hand can only work for so long. With so much irrationality and firepower, someone is going to get hurt.

Wars in distant lands require pussy on demand. If you have seen the movie you know they are in a land that is distant. Like...on one of Jupiter's moons. Jupiter is, some would say, far away. We aren't talking about, "But the remote is in the kitchen," far away. We aren't talking about, "But China is on the other side of the planet," far away. We are talking about Jupiter, A DIFFERENT FUCKING PLANET. And if this aforementioned vagina is still on Earth, there are a lot of sacks that need to be castrated because there are at least three possible tragedies that may occur.

A-Those meatballs are going to go crazy and shoot their hambres,
B-Instead of killing the Na'vi, they're going to capture the native smurfs and use them as their underprivileged sex slaves, or
C-They are going to get much closer with their buddies.

"Horizontal refreshments," as the Civil War soldiers called them, are part of the wartime culture. Hoes boost morale. For example; India sent "female troops" to the border of Pakistan in 2009. These troops were later found to be prostitutes sent to boost moral because the soldiers were acting in "acute frustration and depression;" A Dutch mayor said a few years back that prostitutes should travel with the army; Ancient military brothels were present in Greek times; And hey, Nazi's LOVED prostitutes. Even though they lost they put up a hell of a fight! Why? Because they could focus on their mission instead of constantly thinking about sex.

So where are the prostitutes, acted by the beautiful Rachel McAdams and Rosario Dawson, in Avatar? Where is the filthy, drug ridden character that could have easily been snorted up by Lindsay Lohan? Oh, rehab? Hell, rehab would be a perfect place to shoot a scene involving nasty whores who have no self respect. Put the window, which has a green screen in it, in each shot and BOOM, you have a sex scene and a futuristic firefight going on outside. Money.
But this didn't happen in Avatar.

In fact, the lack of proper prostitution is the reason the ex-Marines lost their fight with the Na'vi. You see, Guard 1 was actually under cover and heard Jake Sully's plan to use the Hallelujah Mountain's natural interference capabilities for attack. He then radioed Guard 2, who after such a long break from intercourse activity was in the back room satisfying himself with an unused avatar body. Needless to say, he didn't hear the important message. By the time Guard 2 had released his load into the lifeless avatar's tummy the Army had lost their instruments to interference and were about to be surprised by a lot of pissed off smurfs on dino-birds.

That is why they should have brought along prostitutes. They would have been warned about the attack, Jake Sully's paralyzed body would have been dropped in the middle of the jungle as punishment, and they wouldn't have to travel six years back to earth.

Prostitutes would have saved the army and Jake Sully's story would not have to continue.

And besides, six years traveling in a cryogenic case will have your scrotum filled up with enough semen to fill a submarine. Or take out someone's eye. Nobody wants that kind of blood on their hands.

-Skitz

(I am unapologetic for the content in this post. Sorry to the family.)

Ramblings: Talking to myself

I am currently sitting here, in my room, with a couple of shots in me watching Californication and just had some things I wanted to share.

ONE: I hate the course known as career planning. I don't like that some wannabe therapist is trying to dig into my soul. Plus, the douche assigns the final on a Friday when all the other stuff is due Sunday. I have more important shit to do during the week other than checking my damn BLACKBOARD for assignments. Like playing Call of Duty. Or updating my facebook status.

TWO: College basketball at Kish is sweet. The girls are technical and the guys are fast paced. However, it is annoying when a game has REFS that stop the game for excessive fouls. Nine minutes during the guys game took a full 45 minutes real time. If I was stoned I would have thought school was starting back up soon....

TWO and 1/2: I wanted to smack the people in front of me for bitching about the refs in a certain situation. A guy got hurt on the Kish team and was on the floor. The other team had the ball. The refs waited, as they should, to whistle for a halt in play until the other team scored or turned the ball over. But these unenlightened retard folk couldn't understand that. I thought sports fans (these people had a kid on the team) wouldn't be so ignorant. Must be from the State Dept.

THREE: I am frustrated with school. Last semester I had classes I enjoyed every day. This semester I find myself drifting off into a land that exists in my magical mind. A place called "NOT THIS BORING CLASS WITH BORING BULLSHIT." A place where elephants are still over populated and perfect to hunt for the mass profit of ivory.

FOUR: Too much homework still to do. I have a paper due tomorrow, history HW, and Spanish HW. Not cool.

FIVE: I am sick of being 20. I want to buy beer. I want to go to a bar and drink. This is crap. "Its my mind, and I want to damage it now!" (name the commercial)

SIX: Californication is both funny and sad. It has the relationship that cannot be and it is attractive to me. The character Hank Moody drinks, smokes, and screws to cope. Ah, the life of a novelist.

Finally, SEVEN: I had my study abroad orientation this past morning. It was awesome. I got to meet two people I will get to know better, known here as Prudence and Lucy. They seem pretty cool, although opposites. We shall see. But I learned about all the details regarding the trip to Carlow, Ireland. I learned not to drink heavily the first night there (bad things happen to those that do not respect the ramifications of jet lag). I learned about expenses, living, etc. I am hoping to share an apartment with a guy from Madison (did not get to meet because of car troubles). I want to have an American buddy to decompress and feel comfortable around while we experience this crazy country. Hopefully he is down to talk history, philosophy, beer, and women. If not, then Irish or other foreign students shall work. No matter what, it is going to be one hell of a four and a half month trip!

10. This orientation also inspired me to look into setting up another blog specifically for my Ireland trip; pre-trip, during trip, and post-trip. Look for it soon! Also, more posts will start coming when I'm not so busy! Happy Saturday! Go Bears!


-Skitz

It Ends Tonight: The Break-Up.

(image via http://www.butterfunk.com/image-3/middle+finger.htm)

Hours and hours you were there for me. I knew I could count on you when I was feeling lonely. I came home form work, and you were there. I woke up early so it could be just the the two of us. Myself and a warrior. We spent so much time together. Weekends we would team up and take on the world. A weekend of warfare. A year long love affair. The newest, the realist, the best; you were the most graphic and by far the most intense. You picked me up when I was down.

But time passes and eventually we rusted. Over time, our time together felt wasted, like a terminal wasteland. An invasion of issues derailed our scrapyard of possibilities. Life became a carnival, and it was too hard to let our problems pass under us. But still, this hard, vacant storm was salvaged with your fuel, and we were bailed out by an overflowing, overgrown strike of new campaigns. We crashed back into a pattern of high rising endearment, and a new estate was forged for us to rundown our problems.

For us to keep killing hostels.

But its over. Tonight I'm meeting someone else, someone better. Someone who won't pop out of rooms I just checked and stab me in the back. Someone who won't scope in on me and bring me down with one shot. Unlike you, she has dogs. Unlike you, she has an RC car I can play with. Unlike you, she will slow down and take a breath! Thank Hanoi. I won't exploit myself to an uncatchable objective any longer. Sure we can still be friends, but at the end of the day you won't be there.

Truth is bitch...you piss me off.

Tengo down.

Why?: The Blog.

Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If you were recently measured back-to-back with a leprechaun, then you need to stop reading.

N

ow.

In the first installment of the "Why" series I will share with the world why I am blogging. I should really put this under a section called "Homework" because this is the second thing I am posting that was originally for school. This was for my career planning class where I interviewed my newspaper advisor, Melissa, about the job. Although not the complete assignment, I feel this does a good job summing up my feelings for blogging as well as my future as a mediocre human being. We start three paragraphs into the paper...

(CONTENTS SLIGHTLY ALTERED)

Melissa gets the most satisfaction from her advisor position when the students are proud of their work. When they exceed expectations by getting more information than is required she knows the students are engaged in what they are doing and are pushing their original boundaries to take on a new range of capabilities. She is proud of the staff this semester for taking on a challenge and producing results. She has often said that this is the best staff she has had since she took the position. Melissa’s attitude about helping students and feeling proud when they do well is the reason I would like to teach. Students that have potential can sometimes get locked in their shell unless someone lights a fire under them. I want to light the match.

Melissa says that the future of Journalism is changing; it is moving from print to the computer screen, so many jobs are also moving. Even though print sources are dwindling, she thinks there will be print sources for a long time to come. Someone like me who is interested in reporting should learn to hone the craft of covering a story, that way I could write for those who read stories or talk for those who watch or listen to stories. Sports is the area I am most interested in and she has said I am on the right path by covering the Kishwaukee Kougars this semester. (I get to watch talented hotties in spandex harass teams that are ugly and suck!)

Melissa is confident that people who are enthusiastic, dedicated, and persistent in reaching their dreams as a writer will do well in finding their way. The most important extra-curricular activity Melissa suggests is blogging in order to write daily. Writing is something that takes continued practice and a blog is a resource to practice while at the same time writing for an audience. In fact, I just started a blog a couple of weeks ago because Melissa was prodding me to do it. I am glad I started because (it allows me to write what I want in order to entertain. I don't have to please some douche bag teacher who doesn't understand a peasant's sense of humor.)

I have tried to write in a humorous way as often as possible for assignments over the years, but it is usually inappropriate. The blog allows me to write naturally. Last week I posted one of my best literary works. (Maybe?) It really exemplifies my ability to make a point while at the same time being funny and controversial. This has already been a great tool to (improve) my writing. I have multiple projects I am working on, all of which are somewhat different.

I am working on projects that cover politics, social issues, and sports; I started multiple stories about my past experiences including a creative dialogue about multiple deaths in the family, a poem about why I didn’t join the Marine Corps, and a letter thanking friends and family for their service in the military. (Let's not forget the "Life. Motivation until death" post that will include lines such as, Divorce: Brought to you by Women's Rights - and - Change: It came, we see it, and we said...never mind.) All of these things I have started in the last week and I work on sporadically. (When I feel the creative magic.)

The biggest goal I aspire to attain is to write a book and have it published. I have always wanted to write a fictional novel and, recently, a non-fiction historical novel. (Like on local soldiers and what not. Contact me if your interested...) I am certain this blog will help me along the path of creative thought and writing, two of the primary goals I plan to perpetuate while I study in Ireland. (...while I study the art of drinking muy grande amounts of Guinness.) I have started organizing a fictional story I think has the potential to be interesting and I hope my study abroad experience can inject even more life (beer) into it.

I would not spend much time on blogging (beer) if I did not feel it was instrumental in my career path. As a teacher, I would have to give information to a class of (unappreciative) pupils, so I would have to somehow make them appreciate it. As a reporter or columnist, I would have to put together (unattractive) stories in a timely fashion. As a public speaker, I would have to organize presentations to be (unfortunately) persuasive or informative while at the same time making it entertaining. All of my interests have to do with organizing (unimportant) information and presenting them in an appropriate way. The blog is a perfect way to practice honing skills that I will be using in any of the professions I choose to pursue. (It is also a way to make sense of the cloudy world I see in my head. There is a lot going on, but not much I can grab onto months down the road.)

The interview with Melissa taught me a few things I did not already know, but the best advice I received from her is to start a blog. Even though she told me this before the interview, I think this paper really solidified my opinion on its importance for my future. (Mainly that I have no future unless it involves a case of Bud Light or a fifth of Vodka :D Blame Californication...) For that reason alone, this assignment was a success. Her advice to practice, get published, and just get noticed will resonate with me for years to come. I could see myself as a writer; my ability to shine through procrastination is a skill only journalists can admire.

Thanks for reading..."Why: The Blog."

Next week look for..."Why: Don't you go fuck yourself."

(I am unapologetic for anything in this post. Sorry to the family.)

Editorial: Proposition 19

This is an editorial I did for the Kaleidoscope (Kish newspaper). I wish it could have been longer, but I got my main points in. More to come on this subject in my first "American Dreams" post.

Prop19 was on the ballot in California to legalize marijuana. It’s time to reach up and remove the blinker hood from our eyes.

What comes to your mind of when you think of a “pot head?” I’m sure I know what your thinking. Isn’t it ironic that marijuana was made illegal because it was seen to make people violent? “Reefer Madness” was going to take over the country in the 30’s. It’s ridiculous. The only thing reefer madness could take over is a Panda Express.

The prohibition on marijuana doesn’t stop people from smoking. The prohibition forces tax dollars to be put into a useless war on drugs. It puts nonviolent citizens in jail, and then it requires tax dollars to holding these people in the prison system.

Prohibition doesn’t work. One only needs to look at the current state of the 18^th Amendment for the proof. Marijuana is in demand and criminals provide it. The violent Mexican drug cartels help provide it. Of course, only 15-20% of their business comes from marijuana sales, so victimless crime as a whole would have to be evaluated to legalize drugs completely, thus eliminating large scale-international drug trafficking. This is not the article for that discussion, but shouldn’t we think of it?

In a world with common sense, alcohol would be illegal and marijuana would be embraced. Pot is not bad for you. Plain and simple. It ranks closer to caffeine then it does to any other drug. Alcohol is one of the worst. Last week UK experts concluded alcohol is the worst drug for society. It also has the most disastrous consequences for those not involved with the substance abuse. So which is worse?

I believe in liberty. Therefore I think both should be legal. If people are responsible and the public is not in danger, then there is no reason to prohibit something. But Prop19 was a failure. The public voted no. One reason might be the commercial in California that stated, “If Prop19 passes, people will come to worked stoned.”

This fear, without a doubt, scared the older generation. Outright lies stopped the domino effect that will take place sooner or later. Please, inform yourself on the topic; if you can defend the legality of alcohol over marijuana, you win.

“Over one’s mind and over one’s body the individual is sovereign. “ –John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

So what do you think?

Victimless Crimes

Before proceeding, I want you to know that this is not for children. If you are lacking hair below your eyebrows, then you need to stop reading.


Now.


Have you ever gone home, took seven shots of Jose Cuervo, un-zipped your pants, and proceeded to spank the monkey so violently you passed out...waking up only to the sound of pounding genitalia screaming out of the TV, making you aware that your dick is still out, limp and full of broken blood vessels?


Neither have I.


But what if I did? 


Would it worry you? Perhaps. Would it make you feel differently about me? Sure. 
But.
None of it hurts anybody. That’s why none of what I described is illegal.


So why should I have to regulate my behavior to adhere to laws that, quite frankly, shouldn't exist? I am confused when I hear about laws such as wearing a seat belt when I drive. I am confused when I hear that the police pull people over for not wearing a helmet when they ride a motorcycle. I am confused when the cop knocks on my window while I am being satisfied by a hooker named Coco Fondu, tells me to get out of the car, and arrests both the prostitute and my blue balls. 


What the HELL?


Don't get me wrong; not wearing a seat belt is stupid. 


Not wearing a helmet on a motorcycle is equally misguided. You wouldn't want to be the guy who crashes without a helmet and has to spend the rest of his life wearing one. That shit would blow.


And going to a prostitute is almost certainly a stupid idea...deploying your soldier into the ass of a whore who has seen more dick than a urinal is fucking retarded. I don't care if your Big Foot, you should still be able to score with the Abominable SnowWoman and not have to resort to plugging Rosie O'Donnell. 


Still, I think prostitution should be legal. Women have the right to sell their bodies…and men with ED have the right to feel loved. My history Instructor says “Let those girls unionize!” Get that no good, can’t get a job, impractical, pimptastical, dip-shit-pimp off the streets and into a federal work program. Those girls don’t need some guy covered in leopard print financially raping them. They get fucked enough. Get those hoes out of the alley and into a high quality brothel fit for the highest bidder. High-priced sex at night; low cost Obamacare check-up in the morning.


Seriously, tell me why the land of the free is still enforcing laws that criminalize victimless "crimes" like marijuana and prostitution. Why were laws instituted to prohibit these things? Oh yeah. Conservative morals; the old-fashioned, false, Christian perception that making something illegal will stop people from doing it.


Did you graduate from the 8th Grade?
Ok.
So tell me...what happens when you outlaw something that is in demand?


Black Market.


People who do drugs don't care if its illegal or not, they will still buy it and snort that shit up. People who are drug free don't say to themselves, "drugs are illegal. THAT is why I don't do them." No, a concerned parent might say that to their kids, but kids don't do drugs because, in almost every instance, they know it is mentally and physically unhealthy. The smart ones know this much, although they may be misinformed about drugs as a whole.


But a demand will always be there. So what happens when you make it illegal? Well, prohibition of alcohol way back when (in the 20's) did not stop steady consumption of alcohol. So what was the negative impact on society when a highly acclaimed product was made illegal? 


Crime.
Corruption.
Fucking Al Capone.


We see the same thing now. The percentage of U.S. citizens smoking marijuana is double that of the Netherlands, where it is decriminalized.


Hold on. Read that again.


Shocked? Confused? What? You didn’t believe me when I said people don’t give a shit if it is illegal?


People are buying the drugs, and it can’t be tracked. Drug dealers are supplying a product to the public that is brought into the country by outsiders. Drug cartels are making MILLIONS OF DOLLARS every year from sales. The country is losing money straight to criminals from a different country. Plus, these rival cartels kill their customers, kill each other, bribe our public servants, and…, and…, and…


Pot is the gateway drug. Pot dealers sell to teenaged kids, intentionally targeting those who can't multiply with a calculator and also selfishly hoard all the zits.  Naturally, these kids love the weed. So the drug dealer, being the businessman he is, tries to make more money. Let's face it, unless you’re moving a lot of product, marijuana is not a profitable item to sell. Therefore, a dealer will sell harder drugs for a better profit. These drugs are not for everyone. But some people travel to Sparta, see it's super badass, and give Athens a swift kick to the mast.


So how do we solve this psychedelic conundrum? Legalize it. Decriminalize it at least.


Plus, why the hell should anybody care if I'm smoking a bong in my house? It’s not a library. It’s my house. It’s not a daycare center. It’s my house. I can't walk down the street in the buff, legally; yet nobody cares if I work out every night -nude- in my friendly confines. So why wouldn’t it be ok to smoke in my house while I’m naked?


If I smoked, I wouldn’t catch "Reefer Madness" and shoot my neighbors. I wouldn't tell your kid to come to mi casa and light that ganja up like we're Cheech and Chong...or say if we smoke the wacky tobacky we can spend hours in a pineapple under the sea laughin and shootin the shit with a sponge. Responsible people should have the right to do what they please if they aren't hurting anyone else (such as their little munchkin children).


If some guy wants to drink 30 beers a night while watching reruns of Family Guy, let him. The general public should not adopt laws to stop this man from killing his liver. If he wants to drain his life away on a sofa in a state that resembles mental retardation, then that is his thoughtful decision. I just hope his family is planning to pull the plug.


First and foremost, that dude doesn't hurt my life in the slightest. In fact, I love the job he does cleaning up the bathroom at my McDonalds. Second, that fat bastard is probably subsidizing a beer company for expansion.


Something should be illegal only when it harms someone directly. The old eye for and eye still resinates in todays society. But taking out somebody’s eye because they smoked a joint is ridiculous. Why punish someone for an act that doesn’t have a negative affect on anyone else?


Some people like to smoke a pipe loaded with dank Purple Haze. 
Some people like to drink Captain Morgan until they shit gold.
Some people like to do neither and become belligerently boring. 


Example:


Let's say somebody eats Tostitos straight from the bag. You, on the other hand, buy the Fritos Jalapeño Cheddar dip that turns those bite size tortilla chips into a glorious blessing; a delicious golden wafer, divine enough to be served at the Lord's table every Sunday. So even though a sinner is eating straight out of the bag and has yet to be saved, don’t worry, you’re not the one going to hell. 


You both have different ways to eat your totilly awesome snack. So why would you force them to dip their chip when they yearn to dry their mouth with a plain one?  They aren't impeding on your right to slurp down that intoxicating Jalapeño Cheddar, are they?  Hold on. Why should either of you even give a shit?


I mean, you’re eating chip.


"Did you just try to compare Tostitos with drugs? Seriously?" How about stapling your lips shut, dickhead. Apparently you don't see the imperative link between drugs and Tostitos:


Choice.


You don't have to dip the chip. You don't have to eat the chip at all. It is YOUR choice. Uncle Sam shouldn't stick his middle finger in your face when you want to do something other than assimilate into the American assembly line. This is not the 1950's. So if you want to eat the whole bag...go ahead! Chug down a six-pack of Mountain Dew? Do it with a beer bong! Send pictures of it! Send proof that snorting pixie sticks is really your idea of a legendary Friday night. Cap it off by smoking a cigarette out of your poop chute. But don’t think you’re the first one to do it…


No. That is a conversation for another time.


The “Nanny State” implemented over the years needs to be taken apart. Your decisions should be YOURS. If you want to smoke, SMOKE. If you want to drink, DRINK. If you want to risk HIV, screw a hooker.


After all, you're an American. You should have the choice.


-Skitz
Join, or Die.

Thanks to those invaluable people and groups who helped me write my first official post:

Presidents: T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Nixon, Carter, Clinton, Bush, and Obama.

Felipe Calderó-your a jackass.

The FBN (Federal Bureau of Narcotics) and the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency).

Most of all, William Randolph Hearst. Thanks for exemplifying corporate greed. Dick.

Follow up: 

First, I have never written anything so obscene in my life. And for that reason, I am proud. I am unapologetic for anything in here (sorry to the family). I had a few people proof read the first 200 words or so the night before I added on and edited parts of it. I got the impression from them it was funny. Of course, one is a U.S. Marine and those SOBs are nuts; and the other one didn’t understand my joke about a prostitute. Let me clarify; although I’m sure no one will read this post for weeks (probably ever), go ahead and be offended. But we should all remember to be thankful we don't have to write in boring ass spanish. Hasta pronto!